Monday, October 4, 2010


I miss normal.

I miss my old life.

I feel like I'm living in a haze, a fog that has crept in on little cat feet, slowly, catching me unawares. I wake up each day, realizing something is different, something is not quite right.

My life has been shrouded, covered, and I want it back.

I want my mom to be okay.

I want to stop being constantly annoyed by my children.

I want to want to tackle responsibilities rather than escape them.

I want to feel in control, well-rested, and healthy.

I want an actual conversation with my husband, not just a one-sided run-down of the day's happenings. I want to spend time with my husband, not just pass by each other between one meeting or event and another.

I want the fog to lift, to reveal my life again.

I know everything will look different, be different, but still I want to see it, to know it's there, safe and secure.

Even if "normal" is now changed, altered.

At least that way I'd feel grounded, clear-sighted, purposeful.

At least I'd feel like me again.


  1. Ugh, I'm so sorry. I feel like that sometimes too, but not exactly for the same reasons.

  2. Hey Hillary! I'm praying for you sister. I can understand to a point what you are feeling and I do know that God is carrying you right now. He loves you and has plans for you. Great plans. Wish I was closer to you guys. I'd take your kiddos and send you and Chris out alone away from it all. Take care and know I'll be praying for you, your mom and all your family. Love you guys! Kristin


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