Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Frustration and Faith

I spent most of yesterday afternoon in tears.

Seriously. In tears.

The girls weren't sleeping. Sleeping Beauty slept maybe 10 minutes total yesterday (and I mean, maybe), spent most of her nap times crying, and just would not settle. Nothing worked; nursing, rocking, leaving her in crib, nothing.

On top of this, my school work for my math/teaching degree completely floored me. I couldn't figure it out. I have 2 weeks to finish everything so I can turn it in for grading before my term ends, and I was frustrated and confused.

I'm not used to this. Math has always come very easily for me. And this isn't even NEW stuff; it's what I learned way back when in high school.

Unfortunately, high school was 12 years ago, and I didn't have to take math in college. Yea for AP credits!

So, here's a real-life math equation for you:

kids not sleeping + unsolvable math problems = ?

Any guesses? Anyone?

Answer: tears of frustration.

I was so upset yesterday afternoon that I even resorted to railing at God (I'm pretty sure He thinks this is okay, so I didn't feel too bad about it later).

I was mad at Him: He could have done something. He could have caused my girls to sleep. He could have let me stumble upon the right website that would clearly explain my math problems.

He could have done a lot of things I wanted Him to, but He didn't.

And I desperately wanted Him to!

Instead, He chose to let me deal with it. He chose to remain silent and watchful. He chose to teach me how to deal with the adversity I was perceiving.

He chose not to come to my rescue. He chose to let me rescue myself.

And I did.

I figured out my math (I think). At least to the point where I could submit it and hope the grader will direct me further.

I allowed Cinderella to get out of her bed and watch a movie next to me so I could keep working.

I took Sleeping Beauty out of her crib, cuddled her, and let her play on the floor by me.

I forgave God for not helping me. Then I repented of my anger and asked Him to forgive me.

I'm pretty sure He did.


  1. mmm, sorry about the kids not sleeping. :( I hope they're not sick or anything.
    I'm sure God is at least happy you're talking to him and I think he can handle a little anger... ;)
    What school are you getting your degree through? I'm assuming that it's high school math you want to teach since you don't have to specialize for younger grades. I'm a middle school math/science teacher. Yay for us!

  2. Sorry things were tough.
    I liked your equation. :) I suck at math so the very idea of doing anything w/ math pretty much makes my mouth go dry.



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