It's Been Awhile Since I Confessed Anything, So Here You Go

I have a confession to make:

I actually like going to the dentist.

Heavy-handed assistant aside, I've always had rather pleasurable experiences at the dentist. Growing up, we went every six months, religiously. Even in college. There may have been two years in there where I only went during the summer, but once I got married, it was back to every six months. Religiously. I actually found us a dentist before I found myself a doctor.

Sick, I know.

I love the feeling of clean teeth. I love the look of whiter teeth.

Now, I'm not the greatest caretaker of my teeth, but I definitely don't neglect them. I use a Sonicare, but I'm not a career flosser. I usually only floss regularly for a couple of weeks after my latest appointment and the week before my next appointment.

(Please tell me I'm not the only person who does this!)

The weirdest thing about me liking the dentist so much is that if anyone has reason to dislike having somebody stick metal instruments in her mouth, it's me.

I've had permanent teeth pulled. I've had wisdom teeth dug out.

I've had braces. Twice.

And oral surgery. Extensive enough surgery that my jaw was broken, moved, and screwed back together. Extensive enough surgery that two screws were drilled into my jaw from the skin-side (and yes, for a awhile I could actually feel the tiny screw heads with my fingers when I ran my fingers over the skin on my jaw). Extensive enough surgery that it took an entire year for all of the swelling to go down.

And yet, I still like going to the dentist.

I don't like the actual process of having my teeth cleaned, but I've developed coping mechanisms, which usually involve grabbing onto the bottom of my shirt so I can discreetly clench my fists when needed.

I like having the dentist come over and check my teeth. I like that he likes looking at my x-rays and commenting on all the metal in my mouth. I like that he agrees that the surgery was worth it.

And I love, Love, LOVE running my tongue over my smooth, clean teeth.

That feeling alone makes it all worth it.

Aloha Friday

Tell the truth now: Have thoughts of Christmas invaded your head yet?

They have mine.

*sigh*

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For more Aloha Friday, visit An Island Life.

Frustration and Faith

I spent most of yesterday afternoon in tears.

Seriously. In tears.

The girls weren't sleeping. Sleeping Beauty slept maybe 10 minutes total yesterday (and I mean, maybe), spent most of her nap times crying, and just would not settle. Nothing worked; nursing, rocking, leaving her in crib, nothing.

On top of this, my school work for my math/teaching degree completely floored me. I couldn't figure it out. I have 2 weeks to finish everything so I can turn it in for grading before my term ends, and I was frustrated and confused.

I'm not used to this. Math has always come very easily for me. And this isn't even NEW stuff; it's what I learned way back when in high school.

Unfortunately, high school was 12 years ago, and I didn't have to take math in college. Yea for AP credits!

So, here's a real-life math equation for you:

kids not sleeping + unsolvable math problems = ?

Any guesses? Anyone?

Answer: tears of frustration.

I was so upset yesterday afternoon that I even resorted to railing at God (I'm pretty sure He thinks this is okay, so I didn't feel too bad about it later).

I was mad at Him: He could have done something. He could have caused my girls to sleep. He could have let me stumble upon the right website that would clearly explain my math problems.

He could have done a lot of things I wanted Him to, but He didn't.

And I desperately wanted Him to!

Instead, He chose to let me deal with it. He chose to remain silent and watchful. He chose to teach me how to deal with the adversity I was perceiving.

He chose not to come to my rescue. He chose to let me rescue myself.

And I did.

I figured out my math (I think). At least to the point where I could submit it and hope the grader will direct me further.

I allowed Cinderella to get out of her bed and watch a movie next to me so I could keep working.

I took Sleeping Beauty out of her crib, cuddled her, and let her play on the floor by me.

I forgave God for not helping me. Then I repented of my anger and asked Him to forgive me.

I'm pretty sure He did.

Pride Cometh Before the Fall

I need to step back and explain something for a minute.

If you remember, I wrote about my daughters' Christmas gifts, and how I didn't spend very much money on them.

Before I wrote that post, I was feeling proud of myself, but it wasn't that big of a deal to me. We're on a tight budget, so I did my best, shopping-wise, to get as much as I could for as little as possible.

And I did. I really did.

However, now I'm beginning to feel too much pride in myself; I didn't want to share how I managed to buy what I bought; I began to want to keep it all to myself and keep everyone guessing.

Because the truth of the matter is I didn't do anything spectacular. I didn't hit any phenomenal sales; I didn't get any great bargains.

I began to want everyone to think that I did. My pride was beginning to cause me to stumble.

So, let me confess to you. Here is how I spent $20 on gifts (plus the $20 on shipping and tax):

Sleeping Beauty

When Sleeping Beauty was born, we didn't need anything for her; not one single thing. So, everyone gave us gift cards and cash. We saved them until we found something to spend them on.

Enter Christmas.

With one gift card, we got her 5 cute pieces of 18-24 mo. clothing at Old Navy. Each piece was on sale, costing around $5 each.

With another gift card, we got her a set of pattern blocks from Toys R Us. They're too old for her now, but she'll grow into them.

Since I prefer Pampers diapers above other brands (Kirkland from Costco isn't bad, though), I used the rewards program at Pampers.com to earn a Lego shape sorter. It wasn't my first choice, but the bat and ball set I wanted for Cinderella was out of stock by the time I redeemed my points.

Cinderella

Cinderella was even easier. I had already won this bracelet from Vienna's Treasures through Bloggy Giveaways (isn't it darling?).

We used another of Sleeping Beauty's Toys R Us gift cards to buy a different set of pattern blocks for Cinderella. (Since the Pampers redemption did pan out the way I planned, I justified using Sleeping Beauty's gift card on her sister.)

The last item we got for Cinderella was a doctor's kit. This is the only item we actually spent money on.

That's my confession to you. I feel a whole lot better now. No more pride, no chance of falling.

For now.

I've got other issues to deal with, I'm sure.

Confessions of a Modern Mama

Cinderella was bottle-fed and tried solid foods at 4 months old.

Sleeping Beauty is breastfed; she is 5 months old and has yet to try solid food.

I am completely comfortable with nursing her in public.

I nurse/rock/sing Sleeping Beauty to sleep. I did the same with Cinderella, minus the nursing.

Cinderella sleeps just fine on her own now, thank you very much.

I co-slept with my girls for a few months after they were born.

Sleeping Beauty still naps in my bed.

I use paper diapers, preferably Pampers, but Kirkland is good, too.

I use commercial baby food, though I will make some of my own this time.

I try to limit TV time to one movie a week for Cinderella, ideally.

I went back to work 5 months after Cinderella was born; she came to work with me and a few ladies took turns watching her for me while I worked mornings. The next year I went back to work full time for 2 years.

Cinderella spent 2 years in full-time daycare in someone's home. She thrived in daycare!

I am currently homeschooling her for preschool.

She will go to a public school for kindergarten.

I taught Cinderella delayed gratification. Because of it, she can wait days for something promised to her.

I do NOT let my babies cry themselves to sleep. I can't do it. I couldn't with Cinderella and I don't even try with Sleeping Beauty (not that I let Cinderella do it for more than 10 minutes).

I wear my babies.

I am okay with hand-me-downs.

I immunize, but I don't do flu shots.

I try to avoid medicine for the girls, but have no problem using it.

I have used Benedryl on Cinderella while traveling, but only when she was sick.

I use household cleaners, but not when the girls are around.

I have overstressed the importance of being aware of dangers; because of this, I can completely trust Cinderella to be by herself, even in the front yard (don't worry; I don't leave her alone in the front yard, but I could). Despite this training, she is not timid; she is cautious.

I let Cinderella choose her own clothes for the day, even if that means pairing a purple Easter dress with striped pink tights.

I have no problem dressing Sleeping Beauty in blue.

I have no problem dressing my girls differently, though I'm not opposed to matching outfits.

I limit Cinderella's sugar intake and make her eat fruits and veggies.

I don't cater to Cinderella's food tastes. She eats what I eat, unless it's too spicy; only then will I make her something else to eat.

If she doesn't finish her dinner, she gets it for breakfast.

I use "time out" as a punishment, though I do spank on occasion (I threaten it more than I perform it, and I don't threaten it very often). No, I don't beat my child; it is done in love (threaten, question, perform, question again, hug/cuddle). I have spanked in anger before.

Cinderella plays with Barbies, and I'm okay with this.